Adjusting to being a full time mom was hard for me. Many times I struggle to fight the voices in my head telling me I would be better off at work than cooped up at home. It was easy staying at home when I was pregnant, but a baby and an ill stricken mom, was a game changer. I knew in my heart that I wanted to raise my child myself, but it was tough to see my savings depleting and eventually wiped out altogether.
I consider myself really lucky because my husband is not a calculative person. From day one we got married, he got me a supplementary card for his AMEX ( we have terminated all our credit cards now, ALHAMDULILLAH!), and a spare ATM card to his savings account and I could use it any time I want and he would not question me at all. But to be financially dependent on someone was something I was not used to. I battled with esteem issues and felt inferior towards my relatives and friends. I would distant myself from them because I felt small.. because I am just a SAHM.
It didn't help that people around me kept saying that I am too young to stay at home.
"wasted muda muda duduk rumah"
"tak jealous ke tengok kawan-kawan you ada duit?"
"letak je la anak pat childcare, kita semua buat gitu ok je anak kita"
"tak boring ke duduk rumah takder duit?"
Oh my god.
If I could get a penny for every comment, I would be rich by now. Every time, I get comments like this, I would get so depressed, I would cry and I would start tormenting my husband with my endless rants. I honestly feel mothers should no need to explain their actions and decisions. If it works for her family who are you to judge?
Do you know how you can support a struggling stay at home mother?
Tell her she is doing a good job. Ask her if she needs help (most of the time you would hear no anyways..) Acknowledge that it is not easy for her. If she has a small business, support her.
This is how you can help. Support her decisions.
Staying at home actually ignited my creativity.
Let's be honest. I did not design this. My husband did.
We started selling Islamic posters...
Baby rompers (proudly designed by my creative beau... )
and more baby rompers..
My husband and I ventured into this baby business without a clue about business. I didn't care what I was selling. All I wanted, was to feel useful again. I just wanted to prove to people around me that I am still capable to bring the moolah home.
Now we all know how that ended up. A business that was built without proper planning usually goes bust. It was good while it lasted.
I got pregnant again with my second child in 2014.
Wow. I don't remember looking this good! HAHAHA. I actually look better pregnant! Is this a sign? LOL.
My baby girl Asmaa was born early 2015. She was precious. Living up to her name.
Postpartum with Asmaa was gruelling. ( I would save this story for another entry)
We were already living on our own now. My husband had bills to pay and additional 3 mouths to feed. We tried to be as prudent as we can with money. Browsing my IG and looking at how my friends were splurging on clothes, shoes, accessories for their children made me miserable. I didn't want to spend my husband's money unnecessarily.
I hated myself and started feeling inadequate.
Everytime I felt like this, I would run to my husband for a pep talk.
I held on.
I had a dream to do something for the community but my yearning were muted by the noises of life.
I am a firm believer that every child comes with their own set of rizq. When we had Anas, we had our romper business, with Asmaa I was given the rizq to certify as a Childbirth Educator/Doula and with Ammar, I managed to set up THE WOMB SERVICE.
I did not expect THE WOMB SERVICE to last very long. But MashaALLAH, with God's grace, we have been around for 3 years now. I am nowhere near successful but at least now I am doing something I love and still be there for my babies.
My first time assisting a birth, a successful VBAC
3 years ago, I never thought people would want to listen me blabber about pregnancy, birth, brestfeeding etc... Allah works in mysterious ways and I dare say THE WOMB SERVICE is a product of divine intervention.
My advice to all mothers: Do not be afraid to dream big. Dream so big that it scares you. It is okay to put that dream aside so your babies can achieve theirs, but hold on to that dream and never let go.