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How I Became A SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom)

Some of you might already know how this happened. Some don't. This time round I am going to write it in detail.


After my short stint in Qatar Airways, I came back to Singapore and met my dear husband. We were primary school mates before but we barely knew each other. He too just came back from down under where he did his honours.


In less than a year we were married (heh..) I fell pregnant a month after that.

This was me when I was about 6 months pregnant with my first. Very the glowing hor?! Hahaha. I am sure it was due to all the rest I got during this time.


Before I got pregnant, I was actually flying for SilkAir as a freelance stewardess so when I got pregnant, I had to quit and stay home. I was still living with my parents during this time. Honestly I did not have much to do. All my needs were well taken care of by my husband and my parents. I really enjoyed my pregnancy with my first. I had time to read the Quran, listen to spiritual talks on YouTube, hang out with my friends. Omg the Tai tai life. I am missing it terribly! My plan was to actually go back to work a few months after giving birth, but apparently we plan, but Allah is the best of planners.



I gave birth to my first son Anas, early November 2012. The birth did not go as planned but I had a vaginal birth in the end, so I am grateful plus he was healthy and thriving and at that point it was all that mattered to me.


Confinement was a complete catastrophe. I was a noob. I mean I was new at this! There were many things I did not sign up for. The sleepless nights, the engorgement, the difficulty to establish latching, the colic... oh my god, the colic! That was what broke me. My son would cry for hours every single day and nobody could tell me why! I went from doctor to doctor and all they gave were useless colic drops and Ridwind and it did nothing for him! My mother used to take him to her room from 10pm to 12am so I could rest. I really owed my sanity to her.



The quality of my photos tak boleh bawak berbincang eh. Hahahaha. I am trying to find decent photos (aka with hijab, I started wearing hijab when I was pregnant) to show you guys and these are the only ones I could find.


53 days into my confinement, my mother fell ill and fell into a coma due to swelling in her brain. My mom is such a trooper. She underwent an open heart surgery in 2005 for a dent in her heart (congenital heart disease) and then a head surgery to remove part of her skull. I would be lucky if I can be half the woman that she is.


She was in the ICU for 2 weeks! It was the most frightening and longest 2 weeks of our lives. Doctors told us to keep praying. The prognosis was not good for patients with the same condition, but they were confident that she will survive because she was only 52.


I shuttled between the hospital and home for the next 5 months with my newborn in tow. People around me warned that my newborn could catch some disease from the hospital. But I brushed them off because, my son's presence was a motivating factor for my mom. She was in an induced coma, but every time she heard little Anas's cries she would try to lift her fingers,some days we could see tears streaming down her swollen face. She finally woke up from her coma after 2 weeks! It was so good to be able to talk to my mom again. To date, mom is still weak on her left side but Alhamdulillah her speech is not affected at all.


I was a mother who needed mothering myself. Imagine how that affected I was. I went from being dependent on my mom to doing everything myself. Taking care of the newborn, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and many many other chores.On top of that I still visited my mom every single day at the rehab hospital. My son too became accustomed to the hospital environment.




They say tough times don't last but tough people do. I am living proof of that. Things eventually got better for all of us. My dad decided to hire a helper for mom and with an extra pair of hands, my life turned for the better. I still had to oversee the house chores but at least now I have help. My husband would whisk us off for a quick coffee date and let the helper attend to mom. Thoughts of going back to work have never crossed my mind. Being with my child 24/7 made me a clingy mom. I couldn't bear to leave him with the helper or putting him in childcare. Furthermore as a Scientist, my husband was earning enough for the three of us, we could survive on one person's salary and still go for annual vacations.



That was how I became a SAHM! I have not started with how hard it was the first few years adjusting to being one. I battled esteem issues, anxiety and a whole lot of kepochis telling me I am wasting my youth away by staying home (ahhhh this would be an interesting post!)

I hope I wont be semangat seminit eh with this blog thing haha!


Till then,

Hajjar

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