Every time I start with a fresh batch of students in my birth class, I will always emphasize on this.
A birth class doesn't guarantee you a natural birth.
It helps to teach you what to expect during pregnancy, the process of labour, the decision making, the common complications and common procedures. You learn the process to prepare you. For example, if you take an epidural what are the contraindications of epidurals, the benefits, the risks and whatnot.
One of my favorite hadiths or sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), involves a camel. Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, the hadith outlines the story of a Bedouin man who was leaving his camel without tying it. The Prophet (PBUH) asked him “Why don’t you tie down your camel?” The Bedouin answered, “I put my trust in Allah.” The Prophet then replied, “Tie your camel first, and then put your trust in Allah.”
It is simple. Tie the camel, trust in Allah, go about your business.
Tawakkul in this case means trusting that, either way, it’s in God’s hands but its best to do what you can to avoid the camel from escaping or being stolen. Furthermore, a belief in a benevolent God means trusting that whatever happens, whether it seems positive or negative at present, is ultimately what’s best.
You have gone for a birth class, took great care of what you put into your mouth (I hope) , you exercised. You have your emotions in check and if you still did not get the birth that you want, that's because, that was Allah's plans for you. It was the best for you.
After attending a birth class, go to labor with an open mind because on that day things may not go as how you plan it to be. Why? Because of a million reasons. Labor and birth is different for everyone. For the lucky few, it is really fast and easy and for some it can be very long and exhausting. It depends on your body, your hormones, how active you are etc.
I have always tried to be there for my students. What they pay me for is usually for a single birth class or a 4 weeks birth class. They don't pay me for my advices throughout the whole pregnancy, but if they come to me, I will never turn them down, heck if you are a random follower who DM-ed me for advice, I will still entertain you, not because I am obligated to, but because I am nice (lol) no seriously because I know sometimes it makes you feel better talking to someone.
That being said, a few days ago, a student of mine gave birth and went through an emergency cesarean. As I am following her account, I congratulated her and wished her well. She did not return any of my messages. She replied to all except for mine. I wished to husnudzon that maybe she really missed it but no, it was too obvious, she replied to every single one except mine.
Was it my fault that she went overdue? Was it my fault that the labor did not go as planned? I clearly mention that inductions can fail and drugs can cause baby to be distressed. I did not make that decision for you. As a Doula, I can't make you decide based on my beliefs. I can advice you on the benefits and risk of a procedure but I have no right to make those decisions for you.
As a Doula, even if you decide to have an epidural, I will still hold your hand through it all.
These are some challenges we Doulas have to face. When things don't go as planned we are blamed for it. It is really sad. I couldn't sleep last night because it was weighing on my mind. How much can i advice you? I am not physically there. I don't know what is happening. I can advice based on what I know and on my experience.
I am not one to rant on my social platforms. But I have to pen this down because I want everyone to remember that we are just like you. We bleed too. We get hurt too.
I know it is hard for you having planned for 9 months for a natural birth and did not achieve it. It is disappointing. It hurts. But it was the best for you. Allah test whom He loves. He loves you.
I am proud of you, I honestly do not care if it was natural or medicated, vaginal or cesarean, what matters to me is that all your decisions were informed and you were respected.
I wish you well and I pray that your child will be a source of comfort for you and may you find peace in your heart to forgive yourself and me (if I did anything wrong.)